She is in my trunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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