I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
