so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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