walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
