I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
