we have officially lost it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
