At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
