I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
