Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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