Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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