dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
