she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
