i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
