I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
