Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
