It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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