You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She bit a glass in half.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
