if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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