Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
