I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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