If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
