I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I intend to get homeless drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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