People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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