I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
