so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
