I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
