I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
