I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
