The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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