so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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