Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
