So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
