WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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