You just made me feel so damn special
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
