I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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