Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
