So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
