it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
