His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
