dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
