Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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