Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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