My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
