I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
