i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she looked like the before picture.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
