Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
