Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
