Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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