they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
