I murdered the dance floor call the cops
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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