I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
