You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
