you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
