I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
