Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
