Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
