You work out of a Hotel?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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